AARPMom

Stupid Traveler

2011-07-01T23:25:00.002-07:00

Do you ever have one of those trips where you end up spending money on things you already have at home but you neglected to bring them? Last weekend on the way to Seattle, I bought another (black, zipper) totebag. I bet I have a dozen similar totes but I couldn't get my carry-on worked out. I had an extra KINDLE with me (don't ask) and it was too heavy and unbalanced so I bought yet another totebag. $19.99. Why oh why don't I just tuck an extra one in my suitcase everytime I travel?

Then I bought a Better Homes and Gardens magazine that I already have. Duh. $3.99.

Then I was freezing at SeaTac so I bought yet another one of those cheap airport pashminas. $14.95. Now I have one in turquoise to complement my lavendar and brown wraps -- why is it they are always sold out of black? It was 100 degrees at 8:00 p.m. when I got home so on the jetway I stuffed my new "cashmere" pashmina into my new totebag next to my Better Homes and Gardens.

A Long Way From Home

2011-06-25T09:53:00.003-07:00

You know you're in the Pacific Northwest when you are greeted by this in your hotel room closet.

Pool Maintenance

2011-06-12T09:41:00.005-07:00

Lynn has been trying to vacuum our pool for a few weeks now. There was severe dust build-up from our recent winds. It appeared we needed a new vacuum because no amount of elbow grease was working. He took apart the section that rolled along the bottom of the pool and he examined the motor. He couldn't find anything wrong but thought maybe it was just worn out and we needed a new one. Finally he detached the hose and looked inside for possible holes or obstructions...

then he found the culprit. A runaway Littlest Pet Shop.

And yet another reason I love having a 10 year old daughter.

Sparkle

2011-06-04T21:25:00.002-07:00

There are many reasons I like having a daughter.
When I clean out the lint tray in the clothes dryer, it almost always sparkles with bits of glitter.

funk

2011-04-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

Am feeling old and fat. Leah went grocery shopping with me and as we stood at the deli counter making small talk with JoAnne, the deli lady, she smiled and asked if we were having a "grandmother/grand-daughter day"? I should have just said yes but I feel the need to correct people when they call me Leah's grandma. So I said "no, this is my daughter." Had I known how JoAnne would react, I would have let it go. She paused and then in embarassment said "she should have known." Then as she readied the roast beef she apologized with each slice. I said "it's okay, I understand." The apologies would not stop and it made things much worse. I tried to reassure her but she continued. Even as we made our way to the dairy case, I could hear her relating the story to her co-worker. Stop. Enough.

I'm wondering if in the future I should just let it go when someone makes this assumption. I really do understand why. I mean I have friends with grandchildren that are Leah's age. It makes sense but I just don't need reminders of how old I am. I always wonder if all the celebrities with their IVF babies hear these same comments. Does their botox, plastic surgery and sparkling teeth make them immune?

In the car, on the way home, Leah told me that I'm pretty.

Easter 2011

2011-04-24T20:25:00.009-07:00

Finished decorating a couple of weeks ago. This is a glimpse of our Easter Tree and the buffet in the entry. Don't you love Easter decorations? We have wooden eggs, plastic eggs, fabric eggs and glass eggs galore.

Leah woke us at 5:45 this morning for the egg hunt. Is this the same girl who accuses me of being the Easter Bunny? Luckily Tempe is an early stop so every rock, shrub and tree was ready for inspection. Am wondering why Mr. Bunny didn't put more chocolate in Leah's basket as I'm craving peanut butter cups...

Brunch at Z Tejas was good as usual but the service was a little off. They didn't have our reservation and at one point Lynn left the table to get a drink (Bloody Mary bar.) While he was gone (and I was sitting there!) the wait staff took his chair to use for a large table next to us. Lynn took the chair back and we watched as Musical Chairs began when the party was seated.

Had 21 kids in Sunday School this morning. We didn't have enough chairs. I thought people quit going to church.

Savor this day, our next holiday will deliver temperatures that have us heading for the pool.

I've Got It, But Don't Tell Anyone

2011-02-21T20:11:00.003-07:00

Shhhhhhh. It's our secret. I was forced to see "Never Say Never" today and he won me over. Yes, I've got it - Bieber Fever.

Leah talked me into taking her to NSN and I thought I'd have two hours in the theater to daydream or snooze, but I watched every second of the "documentary". It's a compelling story. Really.

It seems he was born musical to a very young mom who felt guilty about being a young mom so she supported his dream and vowed to give him every opportunity to succeed. She posted some of his music videos on YouTube, they were seen by a music producer and the rest is history.

I think he's very talented. I'm not crazy about most of his songs...okay...I am. I've always said I have the musical taste of a prepubescent girl and now I just proved it.

A Decade

2011-02-17T18:02:00.004-07:00

Chatty, brave, stubborn.

Freckles kiss her nose. My girl.

Today she is ten.

My Happy Place

2010-07-08T20:47:00.002-07:00

When I saw this, I knew I was home. There's no place like Eugene, Oregon.

What's In A Name?

2010-06-23T22:50:00.009-07:00

Nicknames are welcome in my family. I find them very comforting. I think nicknames are a sign of love, affection and a certain amount of intimacy. My parents have called me "Marykins" for as long as I can remember. Sometimes my mom shortens it to "Kins". She has also called me "Sweet Stuff" but when Leah was born, I lost that title to her.

My brother called me MoogPaloog or Palooger. He also calls me "Mare" which bothers our mom, but I don't mind it one bit!

For awhile one of my friends called me "Ellen".

Lynn has called me "Lambchop" or "Lambchop Queen" for most of our marriage. Laurie called me "Mimi" the first time she met me and it's carried over although lately it's become "Mia, Mia".

Donna calls me "Mia Woods" and if I hear "Miss Mia" I know Didi is beckoning me.

When Nancy found out that my parents call me Marykins, it stuck. Except (and I forget why) she drops the "s" and just calls me "Marykin". (Nancy, why did you drop the "s"?) -- I know there's a story buried in that truncation.

Other friends and acquaintances have simply called me "M.E."

My initials are MEW so I have indeed been called "Mew". And my maiden name is Smolnisky resulting in a short "Mes".

Patty calls me Queenie or Mary Queen (that's a story about a conversation she had on a ferry in the Pacific Northwest about 20 years ago.)

An old friend, Barb (who I haven't seen since 1984) called me Mary Pie or simply "Pie."

In the KKC, I'm Mrs. Woods. In fact, it sounds strange when one of the KKC actually uses my first name.

Occasionally Linda calls me "Marilyn" because one time we were somewhere and someone thought that was my name. If you say my name really fast it sounds like Marilyn.

I happily answer to all of these names.

Just don't call me "Mary".

Modern Art

2010-06-23T22:06:00.002-07:00

Who needs summer school? Today I came home to this creation. Let's face it, the kid's got talent.

Home for Lunch

2010-06-22T18:34:00.003-07:00

The number one reason to go home for lunch.

Leah came out of her bedroom sporting wings. I asked "why the wings?" She smiled, shrugged and struck a pose.

Bon Mots

2010-06-10T20:37:00.004-07:00

If you are over 21 years old and you are describing something other than 1) the Grand Canyon, 2) St. Paul's Cathedral or 3) any wonders of the World, please use an adjective other than "awesome".

As Promised

2010-06-02T22:08:00.003-07:00

What a difference a day makes.
Sometimes a sparkling pool is all you need.

Anticipating the Summer Blues

2010-06-01T18:27:00.004-07:00

Do not adjust your set. This really is the color of our pool. Nothing a few gallons of chlorine won't cure. Stay tuned...I'll update tomorrow with pictures of our sparkling pool.

Blogstipation Part Deux

2010-03-21T09:50:00.002-07:00

No free time to jot down anything. Parents left this morning so one less generation to entertain. I will try to get back on track this week. Stay tuned.

Will Nine Be Fine?

2010-02-17T21:03:00.004-07:00

Contradictions fly

Sweet, mean, happy, surly, kind

Today she is nine

Birthday Wishes

2010-01-19T08:46:00.009-07:00

Happy Birthday to Linda, my beautiful friend in Eugene, Oregon.

I can't find a recent picture of her but Linda has thick brown hair and a perfect face that seems to get better with age -- I should hate her for that reason alone but I don't. (I won't even mention her perfectly proportioned figure that is curvy in just the right places.)

Linda and I have been friends since our junior year of high school (gulp, nearly 40 years ago.) I don't know if Linda knows it or not but I find her very wise. I have learned so much from her over the years especially about being a mom. Linda and I are both adoptive parents (Linda has 3 kids and her youngest son is from the Ukraine.) I remember one very bad day when my Leah said she wanted her "real" mom. I was upset and when I told Linda this story she said "oh, even the kids I gave birth to have told me they want a different mom." I loved how she put it all in perspective for me. I replay that conversation many times in my head and it always reassures me.

What I admire most about Linda is her steady and thoughtful demeanor. Her mom died about 9 years ago after a battle with Alzheimer's and Linda was a strong and loyal daughter throughout. She treated her mom with love and respect and her actions have inspired me to be a better daughter.

So happy birthday my dear friend. I look forward to our next visit.

P.S. Even though my birthday card is a little late, I promise this is not a repeat of your 17th birthday. The birthday that no one remembered -- not even your own mother. (Linda played the part of Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles only it was real-life.)

Six Degrees

2010-01-03T19:11:00.005-07:00

If you know me at all, you know I love celebrity gossip. Just got back from Los Angeles where we attended the Rose Bowl. Whenever I go to LA, I assume I'll see someone famous. So far, I have only see a glimpse of Milli Vanilli (yes, that's correct -- it was back in 1992.)

I remain hopeful that one of these visits I will see a big star!

My friend Mary Beth lives in Los Angeles. Her sister in law, Valerie, has a PR firm with some famous clients (who shall remain nameless.) Last time I visited we had lunch at the Brentwood Country Mart with the hope that someone famous would happen by. Of course no one did, but Valerie was there a couple of weeks ago and stood next to Harrison Ford in line to order his food.

At the Rose Bowl tailgate party on Friday, my friend Janice ran into Ty Burrell (the dad on Modern Family) near the port-a-potty. Of course I missed him too. He was wearing a Prefontaine t-shirt (I googled him and see that he was born in Grants Pass, OR.)

I guess I will have to cling to my memory of meeting Jimmy Stewart some 48 years ago. I have no picture and I've lost the autograph so you'll just have to believe me.

Traditions Fit Me to a Tea

2009-12-27T12:39:00.010-07:00

I know I've mentioned that I'm blessed with many good friends. My blessings include the KKC (Kitty Kat Club -- we don't really remember how we came up with the name.) Every Christmas we have high tea at the Phoenician and it is one of my favorite days of the year.

The KKC was formed about 18 years ago (we think!) and our current membership counts four -- all original founding members (Kathy, Karen, Jill and me). Our bylaws do not permit expanding the membership. Our mission is to eat, dish, drink and laugh.

High Tea at the Phoenician is fabulous. We settle into our first class table with a spectacular view looking south at the Valley of the Sun. I order Delicate Orange Spice tea "a spicy cinnamon aroma is balanced by the sweet orange flavor, creating an inspired cup". Oh my, I was most inspired after my first sip of this holiday beverage. Then Natalie (who claimed to remember us from previous years) brought the first of many glasses of champagne... more inspiration.

First course is a selection of tea sandwiches. See photo. My personal favorite is egg salad which sounds very pedestrian but when it's on tiny circular bread placed on fine china, surrounded by other delicate sandwiches it becomes anything but common. Other sandwiches include English cucumber, hickory smoked salmon, Phoenician's lemon and thyme chicken salad, crisp asparagus and galic herb mousse and pepper crusted beef. Mmmmmm.

Did I mention that in between champage, tea and mini sandwiches we exchange gifts? Oh, that is the main event. At the end of each holiday tea we pick names for the next year's gift exchange. We have forgotten what the dollar limit is and we concentrate on quality and making the right choice. We also buy a "small" gift for each other person. The small gifts are usually identical. The KKC delights in reminding me that I was the last member to participate in the small gift exchange. This tradition morphed over time and it wasn't until year 9 or so that I caught on to this added pleasure. But I must say that a few of my small gifts have surpassed expectation thereby erasing my slow start.

Back to food.

Apres tea sandwiches, Natalie serves the buttermilk and cranberry scones. Best part of the scones??? Lemon curd! I love that stuff. At this point, I am sure we are going to see Mary Poppins clip by as it is all very British. Now we have opened nearly all of our gifts. So we focus on champagne and celebrity gossip.

After scones there is more bubbly, more tea and then the beautiful mini-desserts. This year I was too full from the two previous courses and, uncharactersitically, the Phoenician offered us doggie bags for our desserts. Pleasant surprise. Dessert include a fruit tart, maple cheesecakes, chocolate dipped strawberries, holiday eclair, brulee tart and chocolate cherry petit gateau.

Dessert is followed by a silver tray stacked with steaming cylinders of white linen napkins. An elegant and indulgent way to conclude the day.

We slowly gather our loot and make our way to the valet stand. There is always an obligatory stop at the Christmas tree for our group photo.

Then it's to the car and back down the hill to real life. Heading to 68th Street and back across the Salt River on Mill Avenue. With twinkle lights surrounding us through downtown Tempe, we continue dishing on husbands, kids and celebrities. Speaking of... Karen believes she saw Whoopi Goldberg getting on the evelvator at the Phoenician.

Stay tuned for posts about our lovely gifts.

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

2009-12-23T17:36:00.003-07:00

Guess what we did this afternoon?

P.S. She's convinced she's getting a Yorkie from Santa. Help me ... how do we handle this one?

Santa, We Need Your Help

2009-12-13T13:54:00.003-07:00

This is Leah's Christmas list.

Drama Girl

2009-12-11T22:55:00.001-07:00

Leah has to have some simple outpatient surgery to repair a microscopic "hole" in her ear. She is very nervous, which I fully understand but she told Lynn she either wants the surgery to be at Phoenix Children's Hospital or St. Jude's.

Out of My Gourd with Frugality

2009-11-23T16:37:00.006-07:00

In this year of cutbacks and trying to stay on a budget, I have spent most of my weekends avoiding retail establishments. I made an exception Saturday and ventured to some lovely boutiques in Mesa. First stop, Rustic Hutch which usually annoys me, but as I am desperate to shop, I happily visited and found one perfect Xmas present and several stocking stuffers. Next, the Orange Patch which is probably my favorite store in the greater Phoenix area. It did not disappoint.

Yuletide splendor was everywhere and the entire store was 15% off. There were at least 5 different themed Christmas trees with my favorite having everything sweet and magical about the season. Ornaments that looked good enough to eat with marshmallows and gumdrops cascading from the branches. Add to that, they had free cinnamon rolls and to quote my friend -- I could have cried.

We wrapped things up at Z Gallerie. I fell in love with this sparkly pumpkin. $9 on sale. I resisted and I have been thinking of nothing else since. We are on the tightest budget of our lives and I want this pumpkin. Why oh why didn’t I buy it? Do I really want it badly enough to fight traffic and crowds on Black Friday on the off chance that it’s still there? I think I do.

Raising Girls

2009-11-15T22:26:00.003-07:00

Please send tips on how to handle an 8 year old girl (nearly 9) who is smart and full of attitude.

Major meltdown tonight because I wouldn't play Candy Land. I promised to play yesterday but then Quinn came over and she didn't want to play with me so evidentally once I agree to play Candy Land, she can use that card at anytime.

Oh and I promised to ride bikes to school with her and just because it rained doesn't mean we should have cancelled.

Oh and I made her move from our neighborhood to a new school and no one likes her and Madelyn says she dresses like a boy.

Oh and she doesn't like her new bedroom but if she just had a Yorkie everything would be okay.

Always Consider the Big Picture and the Direction of the Wind

2009-10-25T16:16:00.005-07:00

This morning thought I'd burn some old papers in the fire pit rather than waste time shredding them. The shredder is so slow with a big stack of paper.

So at 10:30, threw them in the fire pit and lit them. OMG. Created the largest plume of smoke. I was sure the fire dept would show up. The smoke headed directly for the neighbor's back door so I called them to give them a heads up.

What a bad idea. I ended up sitting vigil until noon to make sure the fire was out and the fire dept wasn't called. Headache from straining to hear the sirens. My hair smells like smoke and my eyes hurt.

Always use the shredder. Always.

These Are the Good Old Days

2009-10-22T09:28:00.003-07:00

This is Leah dressed up like Junie B. Jones for a book report/presentation in her 3rd grade class.

Skirt: $25.99 at Justice

Blouse: $18.99 at Justice

Tights: $4.95 at Target

Fake Glasses: $8.50 at Claire's

Our girl: Priceless

Current Events

2009-10-18T19:49:00.002-07:00

Two disturbing news stories in today's Arizona Republic.

#1. A page designer with the Republic is trying the "No Impact Experiment" for a week. He and his (crazy or very patient) wife are attempting to have no impact on the environment. No carbon footprint. In fact, they did not use the a/c this summer. It's all very commendable. This morning he wrote about biking to work or taking public transportation and they only bought locally grown food. They limited their use of electricity and they recycled. Boy did they recycle. They didn't use toilet paper. They used rags and then washed them. I am gagging as I write this. Lost all credibility with me after that. No thank you. He's giving green a bad name.

#2. Sales of Lazyboy recliners are booming. It's come to this?

Saturday Agenda

2009-10-17T09:57:00.005-07:00

This is what Leah has planned for our day.

- Read Junie B. Jones (20 pages so she can finish her book report. This will only take about 30 minutes with all the distractions. This is a last minute change. She was almost done with Charlotte's Web and then remembered the book had to be fiction but it had to be something that could possibly happen -- CWeb doesn't fit the bill. They get to dress up like one of the characters and she started crying because now she can't dress up like a pig!)

- Watch Titanic (she is obsessed with the Titanic. I said she can watch the movie but we'll have to skip some scenes. I forgot that meant I would have to watch it with her and pay attention -- there goes 4 hours of an otherwise delightful Saturday.)

- Swimming. It's going to be 100 degrees today and I promised we'd swim.

- Go to drama class. Only 2 more rehearsals before the big performance where she makes her debut as a witch.

- Ride bikes. Ideally she wants to ride to the Bahama Bucks to get a smoothie but I think after swimming, I'll just want to hang out.

- And sprinkled in between all this I'm watching her perform original choreography from cds as diverse as the Hairspray soundtrack, Kids Bop 16 and Wicked.

Are you jealous of my day?

Geeks Rule, Don't They?

2009-10-13T07:28:00.004-07:00

Laptop is not working. Again.

Geek Squad says it has a virus or a worm or something. I don't believe it because I run McAfee everytime I use it. I think the truth is that no one really knows much about technology and saying it has a virus is safe. They know I'm not smart enough to question them and this way, they "clean" the system and then reload everything. Who's to know?

At some point, new laptops will be cheaper than getting the old one fixed.

Once things are back to normal, I'll tell you about the concert we went to Saturday night. Lots of stories.

The Heartland

2009-09-30T21:27:00.014-07:00

This is what 100 years old looks like. My aunt Pauline became a centenarian on Monday, September 28, 2009. Her birthday party was Sunday at the Long Lake Lutheran Church in Long Lake, South Dakota. The population of Long Lake is in dispute but I was told on good authority that there are 33 citizens of this shrinking town.

There were at least 60 people at her party. Mostly senior citizens, mostly with the last name of Schumacher. (Aunt Pauline's maiden name is Schumacher.) It was a great party. I saw a cousin I haven't seen in about 45 years. Two other cousins attended and I was thrilled to spend time with them too.

Pauline Schaffer was born in South Dakota in 1909. She is now the oldest remaining daughter of Ludwig and Eva Schumacher (German immigrants.) Aunt Ella is 98 now and my mom, the baby, as I mentioned, just turned 85. (I have another uncle who will be 99 in January -- my dad's brother in law.)

When we arrived on Friday night (after a 4 hour drive from Fargo, North Dakota) we were greeted with smiles and hugs and happiness. After a midwestern meal of ham, sliced white bread and kool aid ... and watching the Twins on satellite, we settled into bed and Leah asked me "Why do all those people love me so much? They don't even know me." I said "That's how it is in our family. When you're in this family you are loved."

And that's my foundation. Unconditional love. We aren't an overly demonstrative family but the love has always been constant and unconditional. Long Lake may be a dying town but the heart of our family will always be alive.

Eighty five is the new ???

2009-09-12T22:00:00.002-07:00

Happy birthday mom.

She's 85 today. I think her hearing is starting to go but other than that, she's doing pretty well. Oh, she repeats herself a lot but so do I.

I wish I could have been in Eugene to celebrate with her but maybe next year.

The next birthday greeting you'll read about in aarpmom is a milestone. Stay tuned.

Get A Life

2009-09-12T21:28:00.003-07:00

At the height of the O.J. Simpson trial back in (what year was it anyway?), we drove to L.A. and met my brother and his family while they vacationed there. We ended up going to lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe (that sounds so pathetic now) and then we had an afternoon of southern California sight seeing.

For some reason we ended up in Bel Air and drove by O.J.'s house. The mob scene included several press vans posted at the curb as well as many tourists walking thru the neighborhood. We didn't bother to get out of the car, we just cruised by gawking at the house (I'm not sure what we thought we'd see.)

At the moment we drove by the house a group of local young women drove by in their convertible and yelled at us "GET A LIFE." We paused for a moment and then our car erupted in laughter. We still joke about running a company called Get A Life Tours.

I remembered this story the other night when I found myself with time on my hands. I spent 45 minutes on the www.awfulplasticsurgery.com web site, looking at bad boob jobs.

Obviously I need a hobby.

Hail to the Chief

2009-09-08T22:41:00.002-07:00

I say "you go, President Obama." It's been a long time since we've had a president we can be proud of. I think what the president did today was quite admirable. Maybe I'm naive, but I didn't see a hidden agenda. I think he's a concerned father and he wanted to reach out to kids.

Leah said that one of her classmates was taken out of school because her parents didn't want her viewing the president's speech. I was a bad mom and I said "her parents must not be very smart." Yes. I said that.

It's great that he spoke to kids about responsibility and helping to make our country stronger. It reinforces what I hope other parents and teachers are saying.

Leah seemed unaffected by the speech which concerned me a bit but she is only 8. She has her sights set on becoming a dog trainer which probably doesn't require a bachelor's degree (but she doesn't know that.)

Transfixed at Macy's

2009-09-08T21:54:00.006-07:00

Saturday morning I went to Macy's to get my mom a birthday present. After browsing the handbags for nearly 30 minutes I found the perfect one for her. A small, black leather bag with silver accents. Twenty five percent off and then I had a coupon for another 15 percent discount.

I clutched my mom's gift and perused the clothing, looking for nothing in particular. A tall angular woman caught my eye because she had on a dress that I also own. It's a light turqoise and brown print, sleeveless with a small brown belt. I noticed that she was at least 6 inches taller than me, making her over six feet. I couldn't see her face but her dark brown bob looked like a wig. Her hair was too perfect and smooth. I kept watching her just to see what else she'd pick out since we both selected the same dress. I thought she might lead me to another nice outfit.

I ended up buying a blue t-shirt and then made my way to the exit at precisely the same moment as the tall woman in my dress.
We both walked south in the parking lot but the tall woman seemed to forget where her car was and she double backed toward me. It was then I saw her face and I noticed the five o'clock shadow, the adam's apple and the pronounced features. That's no lady in my dress, that's a man. A transsexual shopping in Macy's wearing my dress.

I have the same fashion sense as a transsexual.

I Believe in Miracles

2009-09-07T22:32:00.010-07:00

My brave sister-in-law has brain cancer. Well she had brain cancer about a year ago. Right now, she doesn't have brain cancer. Her MRIs and tests are all clear.

She was in a car accident and during the tests to determine why she blacked out, they discovered a malignant brain tumor. She had brain surgery a year ago. When I visited her post-op, I cried and she smiled and she talked. She explained how lucky she was to be in an accident so they could discover the tumor. How lucky she was to coincidentally connect with the best doctor in the Valley, how lucky she was to have supportive kids and friends and neighbors.

She said she would not change anything about the past year. She never thinks "why me?" She only thinks how grateful she is to have such good care and she looks forward to the future and where it will lead.

I told her she is more highly evolved than I.

I wanted to tell her how proud I am of her and how every conversation with her gives me insight into living a better life and how she has been an example to me. How I aspire to ignore the little annoyances and focus on the important things. But I never tell her those things. I don't want her to think I'm summarizing her life or that I'm trying to make things right because there might not be time to do it later. I don't want to doubt her strength. I want to keep believing just like she believes.

So, awestruck, I listen and ask questions. I hope her answers will continue to make me smarter and make me a better person like her.

I don't know what will happen. In my heart, I think she is going to be a miracle. I think her strength and positive outlook will keep the cancer at bay. I really do. But she has told me if it doesn't, she will be okay. She is mostly worried about the toll it will take on her kids and us.

Mid Century Surprise

2009-08-17T21:43:00.020-07:00

Our covert operation is complete. After much planning and even more anticipation, Didi and I successfully surprised Paige with a 50th birthday party. I invited her for a volleyball swim party promising a birthday happy hour over Labor Day weekend. Our deceit paid off. She was shocked

The scene: 20 of Paige's friends, a pink and green theme, champagne, pink cupcakes, lots of fun.

Chez Woods became a blushing verdant bistro.

The cupcakes had disaster written all over them (quality control problems with the adorable pink and white polka dot papers) but a little teamwork changed disaster into delightful. Some green ribbon, swirly frosting, decorations and a tiered setting. Voila. Eat your heart out SPRINKLES.

My husband , Lynn, graciously offered to tend bar and he even wore a pink shirt. What a sport. (I think he liked being the only man amongst all these ladies.)

Leah found a job as look out for Paige and she kept the party on track by insisting we quit visiting and take time out to let Paige open her gifts.

And what gifts they were: gift certificate to Trapeze University, several thongs, a beautiful teapot, a lovely breakfast themed basket, so many girly accessories and a pair of rubber gloves that brought out the skanky side of a few of the guests! We oohed and ahhhhed the night away. Well that's not all we did.

The morning after:

Our party drew to a close around 11:30. I think we gave Paige a nice beginning to mid Century life.

Reality Bites

2009-08-13T22:02:00.005-07:00

Lynn was watching House Hunters on HGTV. He hollered "come here, this woman looks just like you." I saw a thirtysomething, slim, blonde. I didn't know how he could think she looks like me. I knew she didn't.

Then the camera moved back and revealed my real tv-twin. Fifty something, chunky woman with short dirty blonde hair. The word that came to mind was "dowdy". It was a slap in the face, a reality check. I was horrified that my husband thinks I look like her.

What is he thinking???? The more I thought about it, I realized that he didn't think she was dowdy/dikey/unattractive. If I remember my logic class: He loves me and he thinks I'm pretty therefore other women who look like me are pretty. Corny, but true.

It's time to go on a diet. Whenever I reach for a candy bar or a second helping of potatoes, I'll have to remember my tv-twin and take a walk instead.

Things I Like About Summer

2009-08-02T07:47:00.010-07:00

I know. Hard to believe I can find anything to like about summer when the average temp is 110. But here's my list of sizzling favorites.

- Putting on a t-shirt with the lingering scent of sun block on it. You know that cocoa butter smell. It whispers summer and makes me dream of evenings in the pool with KOOL FM playing Crosby, Stills and Nash.

- Leah falling asleep in her bathing suit. There is nothing as sweet as an 8 year old dozing off in her pink print Ariel bathing suit. The next morning she stumbles into the family room, hair askew rubbing her eyes. Her suit is twisted revealing her tan lines (and usually a wedgie.)

- A cold beer. Any kind. Poolside is best.

- Rolling thunder. That deep rumble followed by a brief summer rain raising the humidity and our hope that fall temperatures are coming soon.

- Mornings when the a/c is a little too low and you burrow further under the comforter.

- No guilt about missing church. It's a free pass in the summer.

- Throwing the dogs in the pool and their frantic paddle to the steps.

Attention: PETA

No animals are ever hurt during this activity.

- Gin and tonics. Make mine a tall and don't skimp on the lime.

- The only time of year when salad is an accepted dinner chez Woods.

- Emerging from a frigid movie theater into the blazing sun. You head for the stifling cocoon of your car and there is a 60 second stretch when your body relishes the heat.

- The infrequent silences brought on when the a/c takes a break and the ceiling fans are off. I savor the few moments when I can just listen to the stillness of a 109 degree day.

And those, my friends, are some of the things I like about summer in the desert.

Pop Pop Jiffy Pop

2009-07-22T19:13:00.008-07:00

Last night we made Jiffy Pop. Leah actually made it. It's a wonder our parents let us do this. You hold that flimsy metal handle and shake the foil-topped pan on top of the red hot burner. And I remember doing this unsupervised.

To tell you the truth, I couldn't even enjoy it. I thought Leah was going to burn her arm. Whenever I reminded her to be careful, she'd turn around and scowl at me which only raised her chances of getting burned. Never take your eyes off the stove!

And for anyone who is concerned, that is a temporary tat on Leah's arm.

A Little Taste of the Hamptons

2009-07-15T13:24:00.026-07:00

I went to a fabulous dinner party last Saturday. My friend Donna had a group of girlfriends over to celebrate Summer. She has a knack for tablescapes and menus and whimsical parties.*

She swears she is not a good cook and that she just repackages things. I don't think it matters if you cook or not. I think the important thing is that your guests feel special and I always do when I'm at her house.

You must understand that Tempe, Arizona in July is about as refreshing as... well...hell. Yet when I walked into her house I felt like I was in the Hamptons or Cape Cod. Her bright and cheery family room was so inviting and the white coffee table with the appetizers were casually chic. Serving barbecue potato chips in a beach pail was a stroke of genius. (Why didn't I think of that?)

Here's a peek at her "bar". Various beer and soda pop with brightly colored candies. (Those are plastic orange crush candies.)

And the dinner was down-home, sophistication. Sliders, corn on the cob, salad and french fries. Don't miss the delicate chocolate milkshakes. It was a wonder that she got the deep fryer and the blender put away before we arrived. (wink, wink)

Here is Jana demonstrating how to dip French fries into ice cream. Perhaps a treat indigenous to Southern California????

Pam couldn't resist the Root Beer Floats for dessert.

I love the nautical candleholders. Are we on Hyannis Port? Is that Ted Kennedy helping himself to another Samuel Adams?

It was a wonderful evening. Full of lively conversation; tales of midwestern travels, the anticipation of seeing a new granddaughter and many many laughs. (Is there an accent that Laurie can't imitate?)

I look forward to our next event. Martha Stewart has nothing on my talented friends.

***************************************

*Disclaimer: All of my friends are great hostesses and I admire all of their talents. I would write about everyone but this event just happened and I have the week off which gives me time to write. LV your parties are great with the perfect food and dishes and no one decorates for a holiday the way you do. Mrs. Perfect, your salads are incomparable and I still dream of the margarita pizzas that you made about TEN years ago. Yummy! JB: I love going to your house. You are the BEST cook and I always have so much fun. The custom omelettes you had for Liz's brunch were wonderful. Didi: You are also a fabulous hostess. I believe it's in your genes. You are the best cook (red velvet cake, grilled veggies, salads, I could go on and on.) Xmas has become a great tradition not only for the food but for the decorating touches that are wonderfully simple yet oh so chic.

Cable Conundrum

2009-07-14T14:49:00.010-07:00

So far, so good with the one paycheck family. We've cut way back and we're doing okay. I feel that if we had just a little more money, we could go on like this forever.

In fact, if we got rid of our $143/month cable bill that would make things bearable. (This includes cable, Internet and landline.) So I called Cox yesterday to see what we could do. I was willing to just have a few -- what I consider basic -- cable channels like BRAVO, TNT, Lifetime and of course ESPN. Well Cox has a different definition of basic cable. To quote "basic cable is channels 2 through 22." Two through 22????? Wow, that means ABC, NBC, CBS, C-Span plus WB, Fox and a couple of spanish channels. The thought of a life with basic cable (and without the Kardashians)gave me a headache.

So then I decided to go the other route and see what we can do about some of the phone add-ons. We pay $29.90 for a package that includes caller-id, voice mail and call waiting. We could buy a $20 answering machine (then we could screen calls anyway).

I can never find the call waiting button because I have to pull it away from my ear and then I have to hold it at arm's length to see the keyboard. I rarely do this because I can't hear what the caller is saying and unless it's my mom, it could be something I haven't heard before.

As to caller-id, I think we could go back to the old fashioned element of surprise. So I thought I had saved us $29.90 and I told Dave the cable operator to remove that package. He said he could but then we'd lose our $32.43 monthly discount because we have everything packaged together and it includes those add-ons. So instead of saving $29.90, we'd spend an extra $2.53. Hmmmm. This is harder than I thought.

The DVR costs another $18/month but I'd rather walk to work than lose that. Besides the DVR makes my tv watching much more efficient so I'm saving time and time is money, right?

Does anyone have any money saving ideas that won't interupt my lifestyle? Something that has to do with cutting back on exercising or cleaning? We haven't been to church in weeks so we've saved a little there...

Bad Mom or Natural Sommelier?

2009-07-12T15:42:00.006-07:00

Leah and I were at Trader Joe's yesterday. I needed a bottle of wine to take to a dinner party at Donna's. I asked Leah to help me pick out the right wine based on how much we liked the label.

Our criteria was that Donna loves the color pink.

Leah found this bottle (I wrapped a tea towel around it.) The delightfully feminine label caught our eye and the bright pink cap sealed the deal.

Was I wrong to include Leah in this activity?

Dog Days Part Deux

2009-07-12T15:29:00.004-07:00

Last night fell asleep at midnight. Very restless night waking up to Roxie suspiciously roaming around the family room.

At 3:10 a.m., woke up to the unmistakable sound of Daisy in her kennel throwing up. Got her outside in time for the second wave. Cleaned and disinfected her kennel in the middle of the night. Let her back inside because even at 3:00 it is just too hot outside.

Finally fell asleep long enough to be roused by the same familiar cough at 6:15 a.m. Daisy again. Same routine.

Got up bleery eyed at 8:40. Her stomach problems seem to be over.

Honestly, this is worse than Leah's infancy. At least I could contain her explosions. With her we could just throw things in the washing machine and start over. I never had to get down on my hands and knees by the light of the moon and disinfect any furniture. And I'm confident that someday she'll return the favor and take care of me. What's the payback with these puppies?

Dog Days

2009-07-10T09:29:00.005-07:00

Got up at 5:00 to take someone to the airport. This is after lying awake all night worrying that I wouldn't wake up in time.

Drove back home nearly missing construction all over the city. Closed freeway ramps and blocked off lanes. Happened to glance at the gas gauge which was flirting with EMPTY. Pulled into gas station just in time.

Got home from the airport run at 6:15 and found that Daisy had diarrhea all over her kennel.

Put Daisy outside. Hosed off the kennel. Disinfected the kennel. Finally sat down at 7:30.

At least by getting up before the sun, it gives me an entire day to recoup and recover.

I will not let this poopy day color my attitude.

When Did TV Become X Rated?

2009-07-03T22:51:00.009-07:00

It's become quite difficult to watch tv with Leah. Between the viagra commercials and the news, I'm on constant alert.

So far she hasn't asked me about those embarassing KY Jelly ads. You know the ones where the couple is on the bed talking about which type works best for them.

Tonight we made the mistake of watching a movie on the ION network. I've never watched anything on that channel before. All the ads are for medical things. Some sort of insurance ad where the woman is complaining about having to reuse her catheters -- she has to boil them. So I switched to a mainstream channel. NBC was airing a special about Michael Jackson. They showed clips from when he started "touching himself." Oh, the questions about that. She said she did NOT like it (I hear ya sister.)

And some of the basic cable channels don't bleep out the bad words. You can hear "shit" (she doesn't know what that word means -- she doesn't even know it's a bad word!) or "goddamn" (she knows it's a grown up word.)

I've become an expert at changing the channel when I realize a sexual situation is about to happen. I get her talking to me while I covertly start pressing buttons.

So far she hasn't questioned the viagra commercials. I will make up something. I always do.

Freezer Burn

2009-06-24T19:35:00.005-07:00

Today at the dermatologist I had a little, harmless spot removed from underneath my left eye. The dr. called it a maturity growth (code: something that appears out of nowhere when you reach middle age like extra fat around your stomach and extra hair on your chin.)

So they used liquid nitrogen which is at 320 degrees below zero and they burned it off my face. Technically, it's freezing it but it felt like someone burning my skin. Luckily it was very quick.

Now I am waiting for it to heal. So far it's a blister and it's bigger than it was before ... and more noticeable.

But anyway, the doctor could not believe that I've lived in Arizona for more than 30 years. He said I have very little sun damage especially for someone who has lived here for so long. So, for all of my friends who make fun of my paleness, take that!!!!

Potpourri for $400

2009-06-16T20:28:00.008-07:00

Sometimes the idea of San Francisco is nicer than the reality of San Francisco. I like it and appreciate the city but the number of agressive homeless people gives it a layer of sadness. I feel guilty ignoring their pleas for change as I've just paid $30 for a two egg omlette.

It's finally happened. Leah has a life of her own. For the longest time I couldn't wait for time to myself and now that I have it, it's too soon. She just spent an entire day on a play date, then she went to Vacation Bible School (which lasts all week) and now she's in gymnastics camp.

We finally have a pool and this has been the mildest summer in decades. The water is just a bit too cool. In the past when we were pool-less, we were melting by Memorial Day. Not this year! Now that we have our own pool the blasting sun won't show its face.

Up is a good movie. It's not just for kids. In fact some of the subject matter is very mature.

The New Jersey Housewives are scary.

I think Kate from Jon & Kate Plus Eight is getting a bad rap. I like her. So what if she's uber organized and militant about it. I can't imagine how stressful life would be with 8 kids if you were laid back and passive. It would be bedlam. Jon needs to realize that without the show and the attention surrounding them, they would be living in a 1500 square foot condo, eating cereal for dinner. How else could you support 8 kids without an above average income??? He's a big baby.

I kind of like the challenge of living off one income. I wish Lynn was working but I like watching our pennies. Oh, it would be nice to do a little mindless shopping but so far we're doing just fine. I think this will be good for all of us. We rarely go out for lunch or dinner now but when we do, it's a treat.

We've been in our new house since December and we still have about 30 unpacked boxes in the garage. I am tempted to just take all of them to Goodwill. Naaaaaahhhhhh.

Bad Trip

2009-06-01T21:12:00.008-07:00

Lynn broke his arm 6-1/2 weeks ago. It was an unfortunate kickball accident. I haven't written about it because it's just so frustrating. I believe it led to him being laid off and the entire episode has multiplied our stress by 1000 percent.

He's just beginning to feel better. He took his brace off today and let his arm support itself. He's been flexing his hand to help strengthen his arm.

Lynn was closing the blinds in Leah's room tonight and he tripped on a jumble of toys and clothes and fell.

On his broken arm. The arm that had no protective brace.

There was crying (Leah) and wincing and finger pointing. There was complete chaos. Lynn was pivoting on one foot doing a psychotic circle dance as he debated whether to sit down or stand up.

Lynn and Leah exchanged words while I nervously paced asking "what should I do? What should I do?" By now, Leah is bawling.

I am not good in a medical emergency. I imagined a bone protruding from his skin so I started to get a bit woozy. I quickly turned my back on my injured husband and I did what I do best: I yelled at everyone to shut up. Yep, I'm the girl you want around in an emergency.

Lucky Girl

2009-05-28T21:49:00.009-07:00

When I married Lynn, I got a bonus gift.

Like me, Lynn had lifelong friends from grade school and beyond. (Lynn and Bart have been friends for nearly 50 years.) This group gathers once a year or at least every other year. They allow wives and girlfriends along and also children and soon, grandchildren, I suspect. This group (my friend in-laws) used to bond over hiking, backpacking and camping. Soon backpacks gave way to tents, then car camping and now hotels. They dubbed themselves the Coatimundis after a camping trip where a pack of coatis appeared.

This past weekend the Coatis converged on the J-T Ranch in Cottonwood. It was billed as the passing of the torch to the second generation. Saturday afternoon was filled with bocce ball, horseshoes, naps and many adult beverages.

Saturday night (after the most delicious Porterhouse steak I’ve ever tasted – thank you Chef Bart) we had the torch ceremony. All participants were instructed to wear costumes and at 7:30 the parade began.

The “elders” arrived in caveman/wizard/Greek god attire. They had scripted a program including an intermission. First up, initiate the second generation into the “tribe”. Bob’s son, Logan was first. He’s 18 and has only been with our group a handful of times so I thought he might wince at the ceremony. But he bounced out of his chair and eagerly answered the questions 1) why do you want to be a coati? 2) what special talent do you possess? Down the line with a lone drum beat in the background, the ceremony continued: Reilly (Dennis and Annette’s beautiful 25 year old daughter), Lisa (Bobb and Joyce’s gorgeous progeny). Lionel, Lisa’s boyfriend (A Marine just back from Iraq! He wholeheartedly participated.) Reilly’s friend - Ashley, Shari’s daughter - Daphne, then Shari and finally Leah.

At 8 years old, Leah is the youngest. She wasn’t quite sure what was happening but she knew she wanted to be part of it.

My brave little girl stood in the middle of the room in her pirate costume and said she wanted to be a coati because it’s “fun” and as to her special talent, she replied “my daddy can take a coin out of my ear.”

All second generation candidates were accepted. Also girlfriends and Bianca, Hal’s new bride.

The grand finale was an epic poem penned by our Bob McCraley. With multiple verses, he managed to name all the coatis and include an anecdote about each one.

I kept thinking how lucky I am to be part of this group. When I looked around the room and saw the smiles and tears and thoughtful faces, I knew that our initiation ceremony had done more than playfully welcome the next generation. We had recognized the significance of our group.

With only a decade separating us from social security, many in the room no longer have living parents. Many do not have children and never will. Some lucky people like me have wonderful parents AND a great daughter AND layers of friendship outside this group. I thought, how am I so blessed? What did I do to deserve a life brimming with family and so many great friends?

I think the initiation ceremony passed the torch on two levels. The adult children now join us as peers and our friends have evolved into our family. Our chosen family. This is the family that will see us through the next adventures in life.

Thank you my dear friends. Thank you for a great Memorial Day weekend. Bobb, Joyce, Lisa, Lionel, Dennis, Annette, Reilly, Ashley, Bart, Nancy, Mike, Deny, Gretchen, Hal, Bianca, Rob, Bird, Pat, Helene, Dennis, Bob, Logan, Shari, Daphne and Leah. And thanks to my Lynn for giving me the gift of these wonderful people.

Sexual Confusion

2009-05-24T18:53:00.005-07:00

Am I the only one who thought Ricky Gervais was gay? To me he was like Nathan Lane, except that I was attracted to Ricky Gervais. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was turning into Liza Minnelli.

It was very disturbing.

Things were cleared up the other night when Ricky Gervais was on Late Night with David Letterman and mentioned his girlfriend.

Whew. Everything is as it should be.

Second Grade Curse

2009-04-21T20:30:00.007-07:00

Leah, my second grader, announced that she knows the F word. "Hmmmm", I said, wondering if she really knew what she was saying. "I can even spell it."

"Really?" I asked, hoping she was mistaken. "Well, it's a grown up word that is inappropriate for you and I don't want you ever talking about it again."

She insisted she could spell it. I said "Okay, go ahead."

"F U C A"

I was equal parts appalled and amused.

The Devil Is In the Details

2009-04-16T13:13:00.007-07:00

When I graduated from Arizona State University, I had no idea I was getting my bachelors degree from a place with such high standards. I thought I had a solid education from a state university. It’s not like graduating from an Ivy League institution or a prestigious private university where students are held more accountable for their education but nevertheless a good education. Well, I am definitely rethinking my feelings about my degree.

Little did I know, the Sun Devils have raised the bar on success. You see, President Obama is scheduled to give the commencement address at ASU this year. I guess in this situation it is typical to award the speaker with an honorary doctoral degree. But it seems ASU has decided that because President Obama is relatively young and his body of work is still ahead of him, they will not give our new president an honorary degree. (A few days after announcing this, they did say they are naming their highest scholarship after him. So his best work may be ahead of him and not worthy of an honorary Ph.D., but his degree from Harvard, his teaching experience at Harvard, his experience as a community organizer, his years in the Senate and finally his job as President of the U.S. are worthy of a scholarship program.)

Wow.

I have been holding my head up a little higher lately. I did not realize that I hold a Bachelors Degree from a university with these lofty standards. Standards that view the position of president of the United States as an entry level job.

Go Devils.

Betty Ford Part II

2009-03-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had lunch at Jason's Deli. Had a yummy club sandwich with a cup of soup. The place was packed. Enjoyed the people watching. Just as I took a bite, a woman walked by sporting a baseball cap that said "Betty Ford Center". Really?

There are no rules anymore, are there? Why would you wear that? I know, I know, you're proud of yourself for finishing the Program. I wonder who thought of having a gift shop at the Betty Ford Center. Is it full of caps and pens and souvenir key chains?

I don't know. It just struck me as a strange logo item to wear. It made me a little sad. I wanted to enjoy my lunch and not think about the troubles around me. I wanted to spy on the senior citizens across the way who ate off each others' plates and I watched as the grade school boy made a second trip to the free ice cream. There was a table of eight, all ages who seemed to be celebrating something and next to us were 4 older ladies sans men either by choice or circumstance. They ate their salads in between laughter and whispers. I prefer those tables and not thinking about the realities of things like addiction and other human foibles.

Is there a gift shop at the prison? at traffic school? AA? Can you get a souvenir t-shirt after your colonoscopy?

Face It. I'll Never Be Hip.

2009-03-11T22:08:00.017-07:00

I'm not hip enough for Facebook. I'm trying. Really I am. I set up my account (initially just for work) and I visit every day and try to write something on the "wall".

But it is for Gen X or Gen Y or Milleniums or whatever they are called. There is too much going on. You look here and there for comments and people poke you or pass you a drink. And by the time you figure out it doesn't really mean anything, they have left you in the dust for not responding and they are poking and passing drinks for their new "friends."

The Wall is overwhelming to me. There is just so much on it. It gives me a headache. You leave a comment and someone responds and then days later when you accidentally scroll down the page (because you really meant to do something else but the page starts scrolling) you realize that an entire conversation has transpired without you when you thought it ended days ago.

And then people you work with want to be your friend. Why? I quit responding because I see these people every frickin' day. I have nothing new to tell them -- at least nothing that I want them to know about. I would like to keep some things just in my personal life. I don't think the guy in the next cubicle needs to know that that I had a great time drinking champagne with my girlfriends Friday night, does he?

And then the pressure of filling out the profile. I don't know the difference between "Activities" and "Interests". And I'm sure that my activities and interests are oh so boring. I bet everyone else has things like sky diving, training for triathlons, cycling, launching new businesses and volunteering at a homeless shelter. Mine are reading and watching movies in between playing with my daughter and the dogs.

And the music. I have the musical taste of a 12 year old girl --- from 1970. I still like the stuff I grew up with. I don't know any of the new music, except the top 40 stuff. So I'm hoping when people read my musical tastes they find them charming and retro rather than unsophisticated and simple.

See, everything about Facebook stresses me. I thought Twitter was bad, but no one can really find you on Twitter so the pressure is off. On Facebook you are so exposed.

I clench my teeth and pause while I try to think of something pithy and smart to write. It must BE witty and glib but it must sound effortless. It has to sound like you just sat down at your laptop on the way to the gym and you quickly click out this observation barely finishing before you sign off, grab your latte and bounce out the door.

And the list of Friends. It's a competition the likes of which you've not seen since the 10th grade. You need quantity and quality. You need beautiful people, successful people, old, young and someone famous would not hurt. I rack my brain trying to think of every person I've ever known in my life. Former co-workers, cousins, old boyfriends (who cares if you hate them), hair dressers, insurance agent, your husband's friends. Please, please, please, show up in my search. Pleeeeeezzzzz accept my invitation to be my friend. And please have a good picture. I say this as my default, white outline stays on my page. I have no good pictures. Again, the pressure. If I post a current picture, I will never be happy. If I post a picture I like, it will be 35 pounds ago and everyone will wonder who I think I'm fooling. I don't want to go the cute route and post my daughter's photo. I could use the dogs, I could use a childhood photo or I could find a scenic photo and post which is was I did on Linkedin.

I fear my search for hipness is hopeless. If you're reading this and you're on Facebook, will you be my friend? But only if you have a good picture and your interests and activities fall into the hip without trying category. I need to boost my Facebook stock.

Chair Dancing in the Morning

2009-03-03T21:43:00.002-07:00

You know it's going to be a good day when you're in the drive thru at Starbucks and it's warm enough to have the windows rolled down all the way around AND "Love Shack" comes on the radio. Nothing better than chair dancing before breakfast. Thank you B52s.

8th Time the Charm?

2009-02-22T22:27:00.001-07:00

You tell me. Was the party a success?

Oops I Did It Again

2009-02-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am the worst mom when it comes to birthday parties. I think I'm pretty darn good at having a grown up party. I love figuring out the theme and setting the table and even having favors if it complements the event. But when it comes to my daughter's birthday I fall far short on the party-meter.

Last year was a disaster (see my post from February 2008.) I was determined to redeem myself this year. Her birthday was on Tuesday so I knew it could be low key until the weekend celebration for her friends. It started out great with a chocolate donut AND waffles for breakfast served on her special birthday plate. She got to open one gift in the morning and it was all smiles when I took her to school.

After school, it was the same. Happiness as she opened ALL of her gifts before going to gymnastics. She got the Littlest Pet Shop Fitness Center that she had been dying for since Thanksgiving, cute clothes from grandparents and her aunt and uncle. The piece de resistance was a two-wheel (Barbie) scooter.

Things were going great. She got to bring a friend to gymnastics where she showed off by climbing the rope in record time. Then to dinner at McDonalds (her choice) for chicken nuggets and more play time. Finally we were home for birthday cake.

Oh dear. I forgot to buy birthday candles. Normally we would have plenty lying around but since we've moved I can't always locate things. The birthday candles could be anywhere. A box in the garage, a bathroom drawer, under the bed. Who knows.

I tried to downplay it with Leah. Maybe she won't mind. The cake is so cute (pink and purple daisies.) What was I thinking? The meltdown began. "I hate my birthday." "I don't want any cake."

Sobbing ensued.

But mothers are nothing if not resourceful. I found some darling, little votives that looked like champagne bottles -- but only five. So I scrounged around and found some tapers. Because they were so big I didn't want them to ruin the decorations so I gently put them on the side of the cake. Look.

I thought it looked rather cute but she was not convinced. More tears. Threats and scowls. She wanted nothing to do with the imposters. She fled the scene while they dripped waterfalls of wax threatening to cover the entire side with a parafin veil. But Lynn and I persevered and sang to her and she relented blowing out the candles before it was too late.

So far I am 3 for 8 on birthdays. Years one and two were fine but only because they were basically grown up parties. We didn't have a party for her 3rd birthday (slipped that by her.) Number four was a disaster. We planned a nice little party at a dairy farm where they could tour the farm and then celebrate in one of the pavilions but that was the year we had record rainfall and the dairy closed the party side. We quickly regrouped at Peter Piper Pizza where it was sheer bedlam. Kids running in every direction, tokens, pizza, soda pop galore. Her fifth birthday was my only other success. Pump It Up. A big warehouse with miles and miles of bouncers. Nirvana for the pre-school set. She had a great time and the party room afterwards was wonderful with an inflatable throne. That year I ordered a Barbie birthday cake which continues to be Leah's favorite!!! The downside of that year was that the entire thing cost $400 which is about $300 too much for a 5 year old's birthday celebration.

When she was six we rented a cabin in Northern Arizona and spent the weekend in the snow. We had a great time but she still complains about not having a party. Last year was well documented in this blog. I still suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome over that fiasco.

And now she's eight. I have a chance to redeem myself on Sunday when we have her party at Makutu's Island. I've never been but I hear it's a child's dream. She is having only 5 friends and she picked the guests without my help. I think it's a strange mix but I'm trying to let go since last year I orchestrated things and we know what happened. So, tomorrow evening will either be heaven or hell chez Woods. Wish me Godspeed.

Ku Ku Ka Chu

2009-02-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Complicated girl
Amazing, bright hazel eyes
Today she is eight

Like a Bad Penny?

2009-02-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

I cleaned out my closet this weekend. Recycling everything I haven't worn in the past year(s). It felt good.

I am having trouble with one item of clothing though.

Jeans.

Will high-waisted, straight-legs ever come back? I mean I know they are fine on supermodels. They can wear whatever they like. But how about normal women? Should I keep them just in case? I have a dozen pair that are still in good shape. It will cost so much to replace them if we wake up next Fall and find that unflattering jeans are back in.

I had no trouble getting rid of jackets and tops with monster shoulder pads. Why can't I bid adieu to my mom jeans?

Where's My Secret Service Detail?

2009-02-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today we had lunch at Burger King. Not my choice. Leah insisted. Had a fit in fact. I wanted to go somewhere and be waited on. Plus I hate those play areas. I can't even think about the germs that reside on those slides. (Would it kill them to include anti-bacterial wipes next to the entrance?)

When we were about a foot from the door, I heard a man yell "wait, wait, I'll get the door." He sounded almost desperate. Took me a minute to realize he was talking to us. I turned toward him and then I stepped aside so he could hold the door for us. He was obviously mentally challenged and I thought it was important to him so I let him get the door.

He was short, 45-ish, raincoat, glasses and a big open face. He did not have Down Syndrome but it was obvious that he was mentally challenged in some way.

He kept talking to me -- loudly. (Why is it the cute, intellectual guys at Starbucks never talk to me?) He told me I had a beautiful daughter (perhaps he's not mentally challenged after all!), then he said she looks just like me (I love, love, love it when I hear that.)

I was polite and responded to him each time but he was really loud and he made me uncomfortable. (I know, I know.)

After we ordered and waited at the counter, he said "Do you know who you look like?" I thought "oh boy, this will be good." I don't look like anyone famous. I wondered who he would say. He proudly told me that I look like Betty Ford. I really wanted to say "the young Betty Ford or Betty Ford now?" But I knew my humor would be lost. I simply said "thank you." Then he repeated that my daughter looks just like me.

After we sat down Leah said how nice he was. I explained that he's mentally challenged and that she probably reads and understands better than he does. She asked how he got like that and I said I wasn't sure and that some people are born that way but sometimes they are in accidents that hurt their brain. She tilted her head like she didn't understand but she nodded like she did. I wanted her to know that he is different but that it's okay.

Even though things were a little awkward, it felt good that someone immediately called Leah my daughter without first calling me her grandma. I mean, really, I think people who are mentally challenged are usually more honest than most of us. If he thought I was her grandma, he would not have hesitated to say so.

Maybe we should frequent Burger King more often.

Parent Pick-Up

2009-02-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

Leah is beside herself with happiness today. I did not buy her a new DS game, nor did I get her a new WebKinz. Guess again.

It's true what they say. The best thing you can give your child is your time. I have the week off to take care of some things that have been neglected since we moved (cleaning, organizing, etc.) Since I have no schedule, I asked Leah if she'd like me to pick her up from school today. She screamed "yes" before I could finish asking the question. She started giving me instructions on the "parent pick-up". How I wait in the car and she comes to me. Which parking lot I go to and that I am not allowed to get out of my car. I must wait. Oh and I must send a note to her teacher so she knows to escort her.

Her little face was full of excitement and happiness this morning when she reminded me.

I'm a little excited too. She's a 2nd grader and this is a first for us.

It bothers me that I have to work full-time which means she has to go to after school care instead of coming right home. I don't think she's suffered for it but I would like to have a more relaxed evening with her. It isn't possible to relax when we're always hurrying during our few hours at home together every night.

But today will be different.

Coincidence or Fate?

2009-01-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

We moved into our new house 2 weeks before Christmas. Moved from a perfectly nice house in Chandler to a great house in Tempe. Our reasons for moving were many and varied (more about that later.)
I love our house. I haven't lived in Tempe in 24 years and oh how nice it is to be back. I love everything about our new neighborhood. The neighbors are very nice and visible and friendly. A mixture of young families, retired people and empty nesters. Leah and I take bike rides (never did in Chandler) and we walk the dogs. I sit on the patio and bask in the glory of our pretty new yard (never really did that in Chandler either.)
But here's the kicker.
As you know our daughter is adopted. On Saturday, whilst out front with the other neighbors watching the kids ride their bikes, I discovered that there are 3 other adopted kids on our street. Yes, a grand total of 4 sweet adopted kids on one street. Actually the other three are only two houses away.
I believe that at some point, Leah will find comfort in having friends that are also adopted. I think it will make her feel less "different". And she will have friends to discuss things with if she needs to. So knowing there are 3 other kids on our street who are potential friends and confidantes is very soothing to me.
It's so good to be home.

Cindy McCain

2009-01-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

For some reason Cindy McCain bugs me. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice person but she irritates me. Maybe it's the retro Barbie look, maybe it's the seemingly unlimited supply of St. John knits. Today after the Inauguration ceremony, they showed her and the Senator arriving at the luncheon and she immediately checked her Blackberry. Now maybe there are extenuating circumstances that we're not aware of. Maybe she's waiting to hear from her doctor about a kidney/liver/heart transplant or maybe she's expecting a call from one of her children but quite honestly, what could be more important than the inauguration??? I don't go to many galas or balls but isn't participating in inaugural events pretty much the pinnacle no matter who you are?

The Greatest Generation

2009-01-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

My aunt Pauline who is 99 years old called me yesterday.
She lives in South Dakota and is first generation American from German parents. She is conservative and always votes Republican. She has not ventured too far away from Long Lake, South Dakota although they lived in Oregon for about 20 years. She loved her husband til the day he died and I'm sure she wishes he was still with her.
I doubt she has ever been near a computer, she doesn't blog, tweet or google. I'm sure to her, President Obama is a curiousity and his age more than his race is a concern. But yesterday when she called she commented on the inauguration and she said about Obama "he has a very pretty family." You know why I like this so much? I know she is unsure about him as a president but as an older American she knows she needs to speak well of our President and she also wanted to say something nice about him because she knows I voted for him. It makes me love her even more because she's trying so hard to be generous and diplomatic. That's how people of her generation are. Maybe the rest of us will start acting like that now that we have optimism and new leadership and ... hope.

A Tiny Suburban Miracle

2009-01-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I did our weekly grocery shopping at Safeway. I’m using coupons and discount offers as much as I can these days. I grabbed my grocery cart clutching 4 coupons in my hand along with my list. Thirty five cents off any brand of Chef Boyardee pasta, 20 cents off frozen corn, 30 cents off children's Triaminic cold medicine and 20 cents off my favorite key lime yogurt.
I started in produce and made my way through the store. By the time I hit aisle 4 -- cereal -- I noticed that I was missing the Triaminic coupon. Darn. I didn’t want to waste time searching the store so I vowed to visit the Triaminic web site later to see if I could find a discount offer. All in all, I saved $11 with the remaining coupons and my frequent shoppers card. Not bad.

Sunday afternoon I made some baked beans for a side dish for dinner. Barbecue sauce is a key ingredient and we didn’t have any. I dashed to Safeway to pick up the missing ingredient. I headed directly to the condiment aisle past the ketchup, mustard, salad dressing and stopped at the Barbecue sauce. I reached for the Safeway brand (2 for $3.00) but then noticed the Cattleman brand (2 for $5.00). I picked up a bottle to scan the label and something on the shelf caught my eye. Yes, right there next to Cattleman barbecue sauce was a precisely cut coupon for 30 cents off children's Triaminic. My coupon.

I love thinking about this series of events. Someone picked it up and put it on the shelf and more than 24 hours later, before they could restock, I found it.

Almost like winning the lottery…sort of…

Reservation Dogs

2009-01-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and it was just like any other Sunday. Lazy, sunny, errands, laundry and catching up. Or so I thought.

This is the scene on our couch tonight at 7:00. We stopped by PetSmart just to look. Now we have 2 dogs. Roxie and Daisy. By way of the Fredonia Dog Rescue. Sisters picked up on the reservation. Supposedly lab mixes (personally, I think they have a little coyote in them!)

We changed their names from Carly and Echo. At first we were only going to adopt Carly but they were so sweet together and we didn't want Carly (aka Roxie) to be lonely. Then the guy from the rescue said he'd give us both girls for the price of one. Buy one get one free.

So after a home visit... yes, two of the volunteers followed us home and checked out our house. We had to put up the pool fench and reinforce the gate. We have to promise to let them sleep inside in a crate. And when 100 degree temperatures roll around we have to have our doggie door installed so they can come in and cool off. The volunteers did not just come in and leave --- they were here for about 30 minutes checking the fence and asking questions. I wanted to say "hey, we adopted a child, I think we're a safe bet."

Tonight they are great. We'll see about tomorrow when the patio furniture is chewed beyond recognition and the neighbors are threatening to call the police because of the barking. But how can you not love these girls ... all three of them.

Resolution Central

2009-01-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

1. Never again will I buy clothes while on vacation. You know how it is. You're having this great time and you want it to last forever so you buy something to help savor the memory. It's always a bad choice. Always.

2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. This will be the most difficult. I get up at 6:00 so I need to be in bed by 11:00 every night. My evening is just getting started at 10:00.

3. Take my vitamins and supplements every day. I feel so much better when I take them on a regular basis. I must stay on track with these.

4. Be a better friend, mom, wife, sister-in-law, sister, daughter. Seems like I'm impatient with those I love the most. I never have time for the important people in my life. This year, I'll cheerfully make time. Yes, I will.

5. Overcome my addiction to mindless tv shows. I'm devoted to the Real Housewives of Orange County, Millionaire Matchmaker, Tori and Dean, etc. Are any of these people worthy of my devotion?

6. No eating when I'm upset, emotional, bored, tired, thirsty, sad, mad, grumpy or stressed. Reserve eating for only those times when I'm hungry. Duh.

7. Conquer the clutter. Magazines are meant to be read and then recycled. How many black t-shirts do I need? How many different colors and styles of flip flops do I need? And why do we need a dozen different kitchen towels and five different shampoos? Do I really need this many muffin cups?

Remnants of New Year's Eve

2009-01-03T22:02:00.001-07:00

We hosted the New Year's Eve dinner this year. It started in 1999 and has been going strong ever since (with a short hiatus last year.)

I don't know about you but when we have an event at our house, I'm too anxious to take pictures so I only have a few and they are from the day after (sans guests).

I'm very proud of my tablescape. I wish I had the full table but we undid it before I had a chance to snap anything. In keeping with current trends, my decorations were sustainable, retro and very inexpensive.

This is the entry. It was much prettier at night with the candles in the bowl (Manhattanware). The palm branch is from our tree in the backyard.

Here's a photo (reneacted) of the table. I used the dishes that Lynn's aunt gave us. The pattern is "Anytime" by Vernon. They are circa 1950.

Lemons from our tree in our new, fabulous backyard. Hate to admit that I bought the limes from Safeway, but I thought we might use them in our beverages (sustainability!!!)

The chargers were a Christmas gift many years ago from my friend Jill. They so fit the sustainable/green theme, don't you think? They are wicker (from IKEA.)

Last picture is my foot. I greeted 2009 limping about hunched over like a bell ringer in Notre Dame. I swear I did not over-indulge and I did not trip, fall or twirl in excess. One of my friends suggested gout. GOUT!!!???? I am 52, not 82.

I'm pleased to report that today I'm walking normally and the ace bandage is stored far, far away.

Happy New Year to you.

Oy Vey

2008-12-07T21:51:00.002-07:00

Leah has decided she's Jewish. I don't know where this is coming from. I don't know if she knows what it means but she talks about culture and that she feels Jewish.

I keep telling her that she's Christian. She says that dad and I are and she's not.

She gets mad when I tell her she's not Jewish and wants to know how I know. I said when she's older we'll test her dna. The very strange thing is that I think I'm part Jewish. My dad's grandparents are from Russia and his side of the family looks Jewish. All of my uncles looked like Walter Matthau (he was Jewish, right?) I've considered the mailorder dna test that everyone is doing (but it's kind of expensive.)

I know Leah is serious because I said if she's Jewish she can't celebrate Christmas and Santa won't come. Ever quick on her feet, she said "Santa will come for you guys so he'll leave something for me too."

And then she looked at me like I was meshugeneh.

Waxing poetic

2008-12-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

Back to the basics of being an old mom. I’m sure a mom under 40 has never heard this.

"Quit hugging me, your chin hair is spiking me."

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

So much to be thankful for.

Working wifi
Friends that know computers
Venti green iced tea
David Letterman
Bumble and Bumble shampoo
My DVR
Momma Mia, the movie
Migraine medication
Postino
Champagne
Seven year olds with attitude
A satisfying job
Christmas music
Low interest rates
Healthy parents
The Sunday before Thanksgiving
The View (I know!)
Unspent bonuses
Loving husbands
Champagne
Smart doctors
Good realtors
Good mortgage brokers
Childhood friends
Football
Good bosses
Obama
Champagne
Van Morrison
Big brothers
Chips and salsa
Longevity on both sides of my family
Sedona
Pumpkin cream cheese
Thai food
Domino magazine
Golden Retrievers
Mad Men
Chocolate chip cookies
$1.999 gas
Wise friends
Real wooden floors
Online banking
Basil
Spicy bloody Marys
Companies that close for a week at Xmas

For Richer and Poorer

2008-11-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

Today is our 24th wedding anniversary.

We met at a dive bar called the Daily Double. Lynn seemed so nice and polite at a time when I preferred bad boys. I have since discovered that he has an edge. Not a bad boy per se, but definitely a side that ventures into breaking the rules a bit.

After 24 years, things can get stale but Lynn continues to surprise me -- often he's annoying but it's far outweighed with the good times.

He still treats me like a queen and he is my rock when times are tough. In a crisis, Lynn is the go-to guy.

When our daughter was born and there was a chance that we might lose her, I fell apart but Lynn never wavered. His strength and heroism brought our girl to us.

And when she came home from the hospital, he would not let go of her. She spent her first night sleeping on his shoulder. He protects both of us in exactly the ways that we need.

So today we celebrated our anniversary. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes, accompanied by champagne. The menu tonight defines our life -- pleasantly ordinary layered with sweet, boozy possibilities.

Maybe It's Me

2008-11-18T23:19:00.000-07:00

I had another altercation with a customer service person. We had to have termite treatments at our house before we could sell it...to the tune of $1200.
Back in September, I paid the bill in full but we keep receiving statements from Terminix. We've called and they tell us that everything is okay. So today, we received a nasty collection call. I called to tell them they need to update their records.
I started out very polite. Then "Sandy" got a little snippy with me. She said I sent the check to the wrong place and I should have sent it to them, not the corporate headquarters.
I said "Nevertheless, you cashed the check 2 months ago".
Then she started to scold me.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I'm the customer.

The customer who paid her bill in full 2 months ago. I said, "I don't care where I sent the check, you cashed it and there is a zero balance. Please take care of this."

Then she hung up on me.

Eye of the Beholder

2008-11-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

We took a road trip over Fall Break. I wanted Leah to see the Grand Canyon and Sedona. I know trips to admire scenery are not at the top of the list for most kids but she seemed fairly excited about going to Northern Arizona. It was a pleasant car trip reminiscent of my childhood complete with singing (Christmas songs), lots of McDonald stops and a few arguments (mostly over the ear drops.)

Here's Sedona.

And here is the breathtaking (I know a cliche) Grand Canyon.

I asked Leah what the best part of the trip was. I was sure she'd say the Grand Canyon (she seemed genuinely interested in it) or she'd at least say the squirrel that we saw at the edge of the canyon, or the beautiful jewelry we saw in some of the shops in Sedona.

Alas, she was most in awe of Bedrock. A crazy little tourist trap just outside the entrance to the Grand Canyon. That's what she mentions when we talk about our trip.

Screw the Recession

2008-10-14T10:43:00.001-07:00

There are more important concerns in my life.

I still don't have the Internet.

I'm hoping to get some help with it this weekend. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I have so much to say.

I keep a mental list of things that Leah will need to look for in a husband -- understanding, compassionate man, someone who values family and friends, hard worker, blah, blah, blah. I'm starting to rethink this list.

Look for someone who is technosavvy.

That's all I have to say about that.

I'm Back

2008-10-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

Or rather, my Internet connection is back. It finally arrived today. The cable guy came out twice, installed all new cables and a new modem which fixed the cable tv and the pc but it wreaked havoc on my laptop's Internet connection. I actually had to fiddle with some settings all by myself to completely fix it.

But everything's okay now.

Whew. I thought I was going to have to enter Internet rehab. Look for new posts later this week.

Public Service Announcement from AARPMOM

2008-10-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

One of the newsletters I subscribe to mentioned this non partisan web site that spells out the differences between the candidates. If you are like me and your head starts to hurt with all of the political posturing and venom, you might want to take a look.

This site lists an issue and then describes each candidate's position in a very simplistic way.

http://www.declareyourself.com/voting_faq/issues_3.html

You can thank me later.

Ciao.

Our Leaders

2008-09-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know if the bail out is good or bad but it seems like our government needs to do something to help our country get out of this precarious economic situation.

Wouldn't you know it, our leaders screwed things up. The Republicans got mad at Nancy Pelosi for being political right before the vote so they voted against it. Perhaps Ms. Pelosi's comments were ill-timed but sometimes you have to put your hurt feelings aside for the bigger good. Especially when it means keeping your country out of a depression. Do they think helping us slide into a financial abyss will teach Nancy Pelosi a lesson???

President Bush (their leader, a Republican president) asked them to vote for the bail out and because they were mad at the speaker of the house, they changed their minds. They put their emotions ahead of what is best for our country. Don't they know that us regular people face things like this everyday? Sometimes at work or with our families we don't necessarily agree with the way things are going but we do things because IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. We swallow our pride, roll up our sleeves and work on the situation at hand.

So I hope we all learned something from this. Next time, ignore the speaker and make the vote you're supposed to make. Afterwards when the country isn't falling apart and your constituents aren't standing in the unemployment line, you can make faces at Ms. Pelosi behind her back or you can put laxative in her coffee, but for now my friends, let's focus on the big picture.

A Cautionary Tale

2008-09-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

We sold our house last month and we’re house hunting. You’d think it would be easy. There are many houses on the market.

We thought we found one this week. It was in the right neighborhood and had the right floor plan. But there was a catch. As we are learning, there's always a catch.

The house suffered from severe neglect. From the outside it looked fine but when we opened the door we were hit with the distinct odor of too many dogs and not enough cleaning products. The carpet was a mess - red stain, blue stain, one stain, two stain. Black stain, brown stain, all around the town stain.

None of the smaller bedrooms had closet doors, and not a single interior door latched. The master bathroom was a mess. Couldn’t even open the shower door EEWWWWWWWWWWW.

I dared not enter the hall bathroom. I just knew it would be like walking into the unisex bathroom of a Texaco station in the middle of the desert where water is scarce and Lysol is scarcer.

The kitchen had old formica counters and dark wood cabinets. I could have lived with the cabinets but at least one drawer face was missing. The range was circa 1980 with a microwave connected to it at the top. This particular microwave included a large burn mark where this family had burned Dinty Moore stew or whatever it is people like this eat. Next to the range was a smaller microwave on the counter which led me to believe the built-in didn’t work.

The ceiling in the kitchen included an unfinished lighting project. No cover on the fluorescent bulbs which didn't really matter, since half the bulbs were missing anyway.

The backyard was another testament to the sensibilities of the residents. No landscaping to speak of unless you like dried out weeds and dirt. I suppose it could be called natural and might even work if it were in one of the tony desert enclaves in Cave Creek or Carefree, Arizona. But out there, the dried grasses and dirt also include some well placed cactus and desert flowers -- at least a Palo Verde tree.

The pool was okay. A diving pool minus the diving board. The kool deck had gashes, holes and substantial cracks.

Oh and did I mention that this gem is around the corner from a house facing imminent foreclosure and another place that's been on the market for nearly 3 years?

So, there you have it. You're wondering why we even looked at it? Well, we can see past the grime and the dirt and the stains and the aged dog poo. I could even imagine a day when the odor turned from stale dog urine to spicy potpourri or cranberry candles. So what is this leading to? We offered $94,000 less than the asking price. We knew we were taking a big chance but the repairs to make it livable totalled a conservative $58,000. And we thought the sellers might realize that few people will make it past the odoriferous foyer.

We also factored in our time and the fact that we had just spent about $10,000 fixing up our house. We settled for $50,000 less than our original asking price and we were happy to get it. And I'm proud to report that no one entered our house unless we had vacuumed, spritzed and polished it to a shiny palace.

So, why am I telling you this? I'm not sure, mostly I just want to complain about the idiotic sellers. We have run across this more than once. Sellers who are insulted by our painstakingly researched offers. In one case the house we wanted went to auction 2 weeks after they refused our offer. The auction reaped $45,000 less than our offer. So because of someone's arrogance, the bank took an additional $45,000 hit on an already losing proposition.

So good luck to all of you out there. I hope you are having better luck finding your dream house. We know that if we are patient, our perfect casa is out there waiting for us. In the meantime, I'll keep you posted.

Whatever Happened to "See Spot Run"

2008-09-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

My car is an extension of my purse. There is stuff everywhere. Magazines, gym clothes, empty water bottles, various cds, stuff for Goodwill, Barbies, books and fast food wrappers. Messy yet harmless.

It's common for Leah to read whatever she finds in the backseat. One time there was a People magazine. I was proud of her for reading a magazine that's published at a 7th grade level -- she can figure out most of the words. Pretty good for a 2nd grader. All was fine until she asked me about the pregnant man. I think I screamed. "Hand it to me, I don't think you should read that." "But why is a man preg-a-nant?" she asked. Usually I am pretty non-judgmental but this time I said "He's a freak, Leah, it's not right." Dang. How am I supposed to explain this when I don't get it? After that, I monitored where I threw my People magazines.

I love vintage aprons. My friend Didi gave me this one a few weeks ago. This also ended up in the back seat. I forgot it was there until last Friday on the way to school when I heard a little voice say, "one jigger gin (pronounced with a hard g), one egg, one teesp powed sugar, mix, strain, pour over ice fill with selt-a-zer." Huh? She continued "Bronx Cocktail, one third dry gin (again pronounced with a hard g)." When it dawned on me she was reading the apron, which could only enhance her reading skills, I corrected her "It's gin, honey." She continued "1/3 ver-MOUTH." "Vermooth," I said. "1/3 orange juice, ice, shake, strain."

My vintage apron includes recipes for various cocktails from the 1950's. Leah read all of them. Apple Blossom, Planters Punch and "mommy, oooo, Martini."

At some point, this knowledge might come in handy. Or it may result in her teacher calling Child Protective Services.

You Say It's Your Birthday

2008-09-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to you, mom.

Eighty four years old today.

There is much to admire about my mom. She is smart and curious and the heart of our family. She is the best baker I know. She can whip up yummy French bread, wonderful chocolate chip cookies and these light buttery rolls that we call "birds". She loves the Oregon Ducks and the Seattle Mariners.

But most of all she loves Leah.

My parents were born to be grandparents. They were 77 when my daughter was born but they jumped right in. My mom took over when we got the news about Leah's arrival. I was in a daze but she pushed me to find a crib, a changing table and all the right accessories. When we almost lost Leah, she turned to her faith and put our fate in God's hands. I was numb but she didn't give up. When everything turned out okay, she did not seem surprised.

I'm not sure if it's true of all mom's in their eighties, but I've noticed that with her, my stock has risen over the years. For whatever reason, my mom thinks I am very wise. She thinks I know everything about everything. She thinks I can find anything and fix everything. She also thinks I'm a gourmet cook (I'm not) and I'm quite positive she thinks I'm in charge at work (believe me, I'm not.)

I live 1,200 miles away from her and every year she sends me her handwritten Christmas letter so that I can edit it, print it on Christmas paper and ship it all back to her. Every year I delete the introductory paragraph detailing their various ailments and I substitute a few cheerful sentences about their current travels (casinos and drives to the coast) and family news.

I miss her everyday and wish we lived closer.

Happy birthday mom.

Pure Poetry

2008-09-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't had time to write this week. Just too much going on. My sweet little girl appears to be the real writer in the family anyway. At the risk of being too cute, I thought I'd share a few poems that my daughter wrote. She wrote these while we were packing up our house and moving to the apartment. She was tired of helping me and decided to write in her journal instead.

What Should I Eat?
Pickles, raspberries, pears and peas
What should I eat?
I look and look and say
Pickles, raspberries, pears and peas
That's what I'll eat.

My Mother's Love
My mother's love could never break
If I did something bad, she would be mad but always love me.
If I did something good, she would be happy and still love me.

My Dad's Love
My dad's love is great.
Nothing could come between us.
Our love is unconditional love
That means nothing can stop it.
It is permanent love.

Our Move
We were very busy and we still are busy
I don't like moving
It is hard
So I say "so long house
I'll miss you"
I hate to say good bye.

Equal Time

2008-09-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

Okay. Sarah Palin's husband is pretty darn cute too. He's no Joe Biden but he's a hottie.

Her politics are too conservative for me, but I found her quite charming. It's going to be an exciting race.

Did you notice that all the candidates' spouses are attractive ... although Cindy McCain could use a makeover. How old is she anyway? She needs a fun haircut and some younger clothes. What was that green monstrosity she had on tonight? And what is with that hair color?

Labor Day Weekend

2008-09-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

This was the most laborious weekend ever. Please be patient and look for new blogs in a day or two. Big things are happening in my life and I can't wait to share them.
Ciao.

Hunkalicious

2008-08-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Joe Biden gets the nod for VP and I couldn't be happier. To me, Senator Biden is hunkalicious. Forget Obama, forget Bill Clinton, give me Joe. Look at that boyish smile, so crooked and delicious. And at 65 he hasn't let himself go. Normally I would mock hair plugs and bleached teeth but with Joe, it makes me believe he is ready for anything. I long for his hanging chad.

Watch out Mrs. Biden, if Joe comes to AZ, I will make Rielle look like a girl scout.

Laugh at me, but I know as the campaign wears on, the rest of you will see what I see.

Barrack who? My vote goes to Joe.

Back on Track

2008-08-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

Leah had her poster ready this morning. Whew. Take that Kara's mom. I also signed her calendar per the teacher's schedule and I even remembered a snack. Her clothes matched AND her library books were securely placed in her backpack.

It was Leah's first day being dropped off. They have a new procedure this year. Parents have to drop off kids. No grown ups on campus. I think it's a good idea but some children (mine) prefer being walked to their room. She hesitated for a moment but then she gave me a sad, little kiss and jumped out of the car.

Later she told me that tears were just ready to come out of her eyes but she kept them inside.

My big girl.

I Give This Day A D Minus

2008-08-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

What a day.

First of all I checked my bank account at about 10 this morning and realized that I wrote a $900 check on the wrong account. I've been a bit distracted lately (more on that later) and I paid my VISA bill using the account that was down to $200. I was horrified when I realized my balance was -$700. Why didn't they contact me??? I ran out of our office and headed to the credit union to fix everything. They were so polite. They wondered why I was so upset and why I brought cash to deposit. I said "I didn't think you'd accept a check from me after I just wrote a bad one." Jonathan, the bank teller, calmly said, "Oh this happens all the time -- you wouldn't believe what people do. You have 30 days to get it worked out and we'll even let you make payments." Huh? No wonder the banking industry is in trouble.

As you may remember, we sold our house last week so the parade of paperwork has begun. The real estate supply chain is in high gear. This morning the appraiser was here and this afternoon the home inspector did his thing. But as usual, nothing at Chez Woods is typical. Oh no. As the inspector is checking the laundry room, he notices a drip, drip, drip coming from the ceiling. He immediately calls our realtor and then as he ventures into the attic, he discovers the drip is from the a/c condensation pipe (or something like that.) By the time Lynn gets home the drip has turned into a full-fledged leak and we have to put a bucket under it. The perspective buyers are here witnessing the demise of their new home. We have a repairman coming in the morning but we're afraid the buyers will want to cancel the deal. Would this happen to anyone else?

Onto Curriculum Night at Leah's school. It is the second week of 2nd grade and I was looking forward to hearing her teacher's plans for the year. She seems like a great teacher but all I did the entire time was slink lower and lower into the chair as I realized I have been a negligent mom. Her poster was due today ("What poster", I asked?) Her summer vacation paper was on the wall but it was blank and her "Who I Am" paper was blank as well. Where have I been? God, I felt like the worst mom. Kara's mom was asking question after question about forms and calendars and spelling tests. She took copious notes while I flipped through the handouts to figure out what the heck she was referring to. I hate Kara's mom.

Nickel and Dime Indeed

2008-08-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

If you're going to charge me $50 to change my flight when it was your suggestion and the flight has room. And you're going to charge me $15 to check one 30 pound bag. And you're going to charge me $2.00 for a drink of water. Then do you think you can at least make sure the light above my seat works so I can read my book?

Monday Night in the OC

2008-08-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

So what do you do on a Monday night in Anaheim? I'm surrounded by Disney with no desire to visit the Magic Kingdon. It wouldn't be right without my daughter. I'm here with my co-worker and he thought this restaurant sounded interesting.

I thought it sounded like a disaster but I'm nothing if not flexible. We walked down Harbor Blvd, turned left at Katella and found Bubba Gump's. Although there were people everywhere -- on benches out in front, standing inside and waiting in the bar, we were immediately seated at the first booth. As the name implies, the place is an homage to Forrest Gump. The table is covered with movie dialogue and Gump paraphenalia covers the walls. The wait staff was very friendly and efficient, even engaging us in Forrest Gump trivia questions.

The table also included license plates as pictured.

You flip over the license plate depending upon whether or not you need service. If it's on blue then it's dinner as usual, if you flip it to the red "Stop Forrest Stop" then a waiter or waitress will stop at your table to find out what you need. The first time, the response was instanteous (for more water) the second time it took just under a minute (for another beer.) I thought it would be hokey, but it was fun. I was heady with power from those metal signs.

Mostly shrimp dishes on the menu with a few other seafood delights and some chicken choices as well. We ordered hush puppies to start which were a big disappointment. No flavor and they were stuffed with corn.

I had Shrimpers Heaven which included 4 kinds of shrimp. Tempura, Fried, Coconut and peel 'n eat. This came with fries and cole slaw (both untouched by me.) The shrimp was actually quite good with the tempura being the best. Each of these cones contained a different type of shrimp.

After dinner it was back to the Fairfield. We walked back passing eager Disney fans both heading toward and leaving the park.

Back to my room to finish packing, make shuttle arrangements and get ready for my last day in the OC. As usual, at 9:30, the folks at Disneyland started their brilliant fireworks show. I'd like to think they were bidding me adieu until my next visit.

Travel

2008-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

I’ve been traveling a bit lately. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don’t. When I travel for work, I end up flying by myself which I actually enjoy except for ground travel arrangements. I’m a lazy traveler and I prefer taxis over the more difficult to maneuver public transportation. I’d give trains and subways a chance if I didn’t always have so much luggage.

You may have guessed, I’m a bad packer. I NEVER have the right stuff. I either have too much or not enough. When I was in Charlotte a couple of weeks ago, I was there for 3-1/2 days. I only packed one pair of pants. I was sure I had packed at least 3 but no -- only my black pin-striped pants. I was careful not to spill anything and I changed into my pajamas right away each evening. I had one pair of flimsy sandals and 2 pairs of flip flops. Not good when you’re walking and on your feet a lot.

This week in Anaheim, I have 4 pairs of pants but I have all the wrong shoes again. The Convention Center is nearly a mile away and I limped back with a big blister on my heel. Tomorrow it’s back to taxis.

Hotel rooms. Here’s what I like. Solitude and simplicity. Room Service. Big beds all to myself. Using the sleep timer on the TV. Relaxing wake up calls rather than screaming alarm clocks.

Here’s what I hate. The constant threat of germs left in the wake of other travelers. I can’t stand it when the shower curtain touches my skin. It gave me chills just to type that! I never use the glasses they leave in the room. I buy bottled water. I hate using the phone – I’m sure they never think to sterilize the phone – or the radio or the remote!

Here’s a hint for travel rookies: Don’t leave your toothbrush on the counter. I’m sure they move it around to clean the counter and I bet they touch it right after they’ve cleaned the toilet!!!! (See photo of how I put all toiletries esp. toothbrush in my hanging travel bag when I leave for the day.) I also hate bedspreads although now they are putting sheets on top of the beds which alleviates some of my germaphobia.

And how they tease me with HBO. Look at tonight’s lineup:
8:45 In Focus: Shedding Light On Vampires In America, A Prime-Time Network Exclusive
9:00 Generation Kill Part 5: A Burning Dog
10:15 Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam 95
10:45 Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam 96

I would never watch these shows. Ever. Okay, I would watch if George Clooney came over and said he wanted to spend the evening with me watching HBO. Then maybe... but he better bring champagne.

WTF

2008-08-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

There's something wrong with my blog.

I posted the most amusing info yesterday and it's gone.

Don't despair, I think I can recreate it. There's even a great picture of my posse.

To amuse yourselves in the meantime, just think about me chasing my pink-eyed monster daughter around the house for the past 2-1/2 hours trying to wrangle her so I can administer the eye drops to combat her conjunctivitis.

Or you can think about how I actually just engaged in a drop-down-drag-out girl fight with, Lori, my flex account benefit provider (all via email of course). I'm embarrassed to say that I couldn't quit sarcastically responding to her insane requests for more information (most of which she already had.) Then she mentioned how she had just "met with the girls" in her department to discuss my account. Honestly, she wrote "the girls". That was the last straw. I replied that I was confident "the girls" would discover a solution to the challenge. Then she wrote back a snotty reply and then I did and then she did and then I wrote back something that could be construed as sincere because I thought "hey, I'm the customer, she should be kissing my a** and maybe I should send this to her supervisor who I bet isn't a girl and if I do send it to her Manager, I want my part to at least sound more mature than hers." So take that LORI.

Anyway, please stay tuned for yesterday's tidbit.

Fight Back: The Dog Days of Summer

2008-08-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here are my picks for things to do/watch/read to overcome the dog days of Summer.

Go see Momma Mia. It's a fun, joyful movie.

Watch Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood on the Oxygen channel or Flipping Out on Bravo. Both reality shows, both guilty pleasures.

Read Not Quite What I Was Planning. Great, quick read. An entire book of six-word memoirs. Written by the famous and not so famous. Very compelling. Try writing your own.

Read I Was Told There'd Be Cake. Book of essays that reads like a memoir. Funny, funny, funny.

Eat. Now that the tomato scare has passed eat this salad. Tomato, mozzarella, basil, drizzle on olive oil and balsalmic vinegar. Yummy. I could eat this everyday. (I'm sure this salad has a name but it escapes me.)

If all else fails, grab your BFF's, drink champagne and dance on the coffee table.

But It's a Green Heat

2008-08-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me why but I went to Whole Foods tonight in search of fried rice. I thought one of their casual dining areas might include this side dish. I also wanted to try the double chocolate cookies that Leah has raved about since her field trip a few weeks ago.

We made a beeline for the bakery (such that it is)and after several misfires, she found the yummy morsels. Then onto the rice. I checked the Asian food center but only sushi. We ended up with frozen rice.

We also got 2 slices of cheese pizza for $6.99/pound. Who sells pizza by the pound? Leah insisted that it's the best. I told the pizza clerk that after a school field trip, my daughter insists on everything from Whole Foods. Then I added "I'll have to get a 2nd job." The Whole Foods employee nodded and said "I was just going to say that", paused and with a much too sincere expression, added "but they do so much for the community." I'm thinking they don't have fried rice because selling rice by the pound would not impact the bottom line as profitably as selling cheese laden pizza crust by weight.

It's 113 degrees today and the store must have been 95 degrees. When I mentioned the balmy interior, the check out guy said "Whole Foods is being environmentally responsible by turning up the thermostat". Right. Call me cynical but I wonder if being green has more to do with saving them several thousand dollars per month on their utility bill than slowing global warming. I only had to swipe my debit card twice as the sweat poured down my face and dripped onto the credit card machine.

Southern Charm

2008-07-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

I'm in Charlotte this week on a business trip. This sculpture stands at the main entrance of my hotel. I think it's quite beautiful.

I don't believe I've ever been to Charlotte. It makes me a little sad that I can't remember if I've visited before. I'm positive I've been to North Carolina twice I just can't remember if I've visited Raleigh twice or Raleigh once and Charlotte once.

Everyone is very friendly here but no one (no one!) has a southern accent.

My cab driver was from Eastern Africa. He had a very thick accent and asked my advice on how to improve his English (which I thought was quite good.) Because I'm a typical American, I said "watch more tv." He just became a U.S. citizen after living here for 11 years. He is looking forward to voting in his first presidential election this fall. He did not reveal his candidate of choice. He did tell me that his 4 year old son is named Raymond and his 16 month old son is Dylan. He explained that it is important to him to name them typical American names! More than once he said how lucky he is to live here. He is a recent graduate of an XRay technician program and he's hoping to find work in the field.

The guy who delivered my room service told me that he is working on his Ph.D. in Family Medical Therapy. He attends UNC, Chapel Hill. Not a single "Y'all" was spoken by him. Turns out he's from Long Island. He informed me that everyone in Charlotte is from somewhere else.

Okay, now to the negative side of Charlotte. I started the day with cute hair and a heart full of hope but both fell flat in the heavy, sticky air. And everyone said "you're from Arizona? You must be used to this weather." No. No we're not. Our heat is oppressive and the expression blast furnace is quite accurate but we use air conditioners and once you are in an air conditioned building, you live life. You do not continue to feel sweat running over every part of your body, gluing your clothes to your back and arms and legs. You don't have to reapply makeup every 2 hours and you most certainly can fluff your hair back into place with a hand comb and a few well placed spritzes of hair spray.

On the upside, I did not have to remember how to get back to my hotel, I just followed my sweat droplets all the way home.

Now It's Personal

2008-07-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

I used to fly to Eugene roundtrip for about $200. Not a bad price and the schedule was great. Leave mid morning, return late afternoon. This past year, the price increased and I paid about $340 but still had a great schedule.

I just checked rates to fly home in October and guess what? For $813 and a schedule determined by U.S. Airways, I can go to Eugene.

So I suppose I'll fly into Portland and rent a car so that I don't have to bother my parents to drive back and forth. The airfare will be around the same as what I used to pay to Eugene but with an additional $250 for the rental car.

I don't get it. No one is going to pay $800 to fly to Eugene so won't all the seats be empty? Won't they have to cancel flights? Maybe that's the plan.

Who Knew?

2008-07-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Or maybe I did know. I just finished reading the aforementioned book "An American Gladiator in Rome" which was written by a guy I went to high school with. I always knew my graduating class was above average but who knew it was verging on genius.

This is a very good book. And I'm not saying that because I grew up with the author. It really is good. It is a Y chromosome version of "Eat, Pray, Love" and if the truth be known, a more lively and entertaining version as well. John has done a great job of bringing us into Rome through the eyes of a well-traveled guy from Eugene, Oregon. He tells us about struggling to learn the language and finally succeeding by using a hybrid teaching method. He has great insights into the culture of Rome and the benefits of the healthy Italian lifestyle. I was particularly interested in his insight about Italian men and their dependence on their mothers -- it's not as pathetic as it sounds. The anemic Italian economy almost dictates living at home.

John's girlfriend, Nancy, went with him to Rome and the snippets from their relationship are quite interesting. I would have liked to hear more about Nancy in particular what she looks like. Mostly John regaled us with descriptions of her perfect body which was a tad irritating to this middle-aged mom! I don't recall reading anything about her eyes or even hair color although I may have missed it. But I think this may be true to the male observer. Body first, hair and eye color later!

I hope someone options this book for a movie. Since George Clooney summers in Italy, I think he'd be crazy not to grab this story. I don't see him in the role of John only because the John-character needs to have a fair complexion. As I read the story, I definitely pictured John because I know him but I think someone like Aaron Ekhardt would be perfect. Whoever it is has to fit John's 6'3" frame. If I had a better description of Nancy it would be easier to cast but for now I'm seeing Jennifer Connolly. Assuming there are flashbacks to Eugene circa 1974, Jessica Alba can play the nice, smart yet insecure (2nd tier) friend who ended up in Arizona!

Give 'Em the Axe

2008-07-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

A guy I went to high school with wrote a book. I just got it from Amazon. An American Gladiator In Rome. I'm not sure, but I think it's the guy's version of Eat, Pray, Love. Evidently he took a leave of absence from his sportswriter job at the Denver Post and moved to Italy where it says he "found truth about work, love and life."

Apparently it's impossible to find these truths in the good old U.S. of A.

I'm very excited that a fellow Axeman from South Eugene High School has written a book. His picture is on the back and there's no mistaking him, it's John Henderson. The forehead is a tad more spacious but otherwise, he looks the same...exactly the same.

Go Axemen.

Only Me

2008-07-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

So today I had an appointment with my counselor. I started seeing her about 1-1/2 years ago when I was having trouble at work. I hated my job and I wanted someone to tell me that I should quit and find something else to do.

I don't tell everyone that I'm seeing a counselor. Only close friends. I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy or anything.

I sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before my appointment and out she walks with her client. A woman from my office. Sweet.

Nurse Leah

2008-07-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight in the shower, I cut my leg shaving. For some reason it would not quit bleeding. Leah came into the bathroom and started handing me kleenexes and bandaids. She was quite concerned -- in fact she couldn't keep her eyes off of my wound.
I got on the bed and held my leg in the air thinking that would help. At that point it had been bleeding for 15 minutes. Leah came in with a glass of water and a board game called HISSSSSSS. She insisted that I take a drink and she fluffed my pillow.
She sat next to me in her High School Musical nightgown and asked if I was okay. Then she sighed and said "I know. How 'bout some cheese?"